What a troubled world we must live in when things like this happen. Britney gets married, and it's not to me...?!?
Thankfully she's seen a fault in her methods and ditched the other poor dude already but man, she almost had me worried there for a second... For the uninitiated, let's take a stroll down memory lane and follow the high/lowlights of Britney's troubled love life:
1999-2002
Since the release of her first album and her launch into stardom, Britney has always tried to portray herself as an innocent and chaste woman, being quoted many times saying that she intends to wait before marriage before participating in any sort of sexual acts. There were many people who doubted her, but she persisted her claim, maintaining that she would not just jump into bed with any of her boyfriends.
May 2002
One of those boyfriends happened to be Britney's long-time friend Justin Timberlake. They have been dating on and off since they were 12, and Britney fell in love. After two years of continued dating (from 2000 to early 2002), the relationship fails and the pair go their separate ways. In May 2002, Timberlake (that slut) was quoted as saying "Everyone thinks she is still a virgin but that is a joke, [...] she lost her virginity a while ago - and I should know." Booya.
August 29 2003
Near the end of her performance of Like A Virgin on the MTV Music Video Awards, Britney shared a nice'n sloppy open-mouthed kiss with the notoriously talentless Madonna. It turns out that hackish talentlessness is contagious as some unfortunate remenants of this kiss were found on several tracks of Britney's latest album, In The Zone (reviewed here on Pants last month).
January 3 2004
Britney marries childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander. 55 hours later, they were granted an annulment on the grounds that they "lacked understanding of each other's actions entering upon this marriage", so the marriage was over.
My thoughts on the whole dealie have already been so delicately described by someone else (damn it), so I'll just paraphrase a little:
"Childhood friend" to me means that this guy was Britney's long-time platonic male friend; the guy who isn't gay but might as well be. Ever since childhood, he's been there for her, supporting her as a friend, hoping that eventually she would ditch all her superstar/supermodel boyfriends that treat her like trash and finally realise that she was really in love with him. It's like what happens in those stupid "Sexy Campus Jock continually disses Ugly Nerdy Girl but eventually discovers she's really Super Hottie Woman™" movies...
Anyway, back to the story-
Then, one night in a drunken stupor in Vegas, Britney says something along the lines of "Hey Jaayshun, I wish all guys are like you... *sob* I wish I could find a guy like you. *hic* Letsh get married...", and that's exactly what they do...
Then for him to wake up with her next morning, he must've been the happiest guy in the world... That is, until she wakes up alongside him, opens her eyes, sees him and shrieks "Annulment!". Damn, that's one unlucky bastard...
I wouldn't give his troubles to a monkey on the rock, yet there's some strange feeling I have that I have been put in a somewhat similar situation before... Nah, that's just silly.
Comments, insults, and restraining order application forms can all be found at forum.pantsnetwork.com for those of you who haven't left yet... :)
(Yes, I realise that she didn't marry the Jason Alexander who played George Costanza on Seinfeld, but how else can I make this link relevant to anything here...?)
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